I can't remember the exact quote--it had something to do with soldiers (or fighters of some sort) in a traditionally Orthodox country and who (as we all tend to do) wanted to bring faith into this us-vs.-them secular conflict to bolster the fight--and a monastic in the country said, "These people will do anything to preserve their faith...except fast and pray."
The terror of actual encounter is much less palatable than talking theology/internet forums/blogging/online teaching podcasts/intellectual exercises/military, flag-waving causes-tied-to-faith.
The great darkness where God lives is before us. Entering is something we must do, else we're seen as false and half-hearted disciples, yet this direct, sober, person-to-Person experience of God threatens to (and will, in a sense) destroy us, and so many of us flee, myself included (and especially). Pursuit for no other reason than (yet with no guarantee of) finding God is our motive. Lord, have mercy.
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But what of those of us who thrill when we penetrate that horrible, comforting darkness, only to find ourselves afraid to move further in to the light?
I suppose I do not consider myself yet to have apprehended said light; I push forward, though, into said darkness. Light will come, methinks, on the Last Day; till then most of us're catching dark flashes from the Other Side.
Hey,
We've posted on the same posts a couple of times over at oc.net. I just finished reading your conversion story and skimming through the archives of your blog: very enjoyable. I see some real similarites in our journeys. Thanks for sharing all this.
-Ben
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